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Parenting is tough. Unfortunately, our children aren’t born with a manual and there aren’t any black and white rules of parenting. That makes our jobs confusing, especially when it comes to understanding our children’s mental health.
It can be difficult to distinguish signs of a mental health disorder from normal childhood behavior.
When my daughter was three, she was a relentless ball of fun, energy and very high emotion. Sometimes, she’d have a temper tantrum about something critical to her, “NO! I don’t want to wear my pink tennis shoes,” she’d cry and scream leaving me feeling perplexed, unsure and a little scared.
Her fury was so great, that I remember worrying that perhaps she had crossed a line of some sort. Was this tantrum a display of an abnormal amount of emotion? Was she physically sick? I even wondered at times if she was she mentally ill.
I went so far as asking a friend, a child psychiatrist, if she thought these types of behaviors were signs of a larger issue. My friend reminded me that at three years old, children have early separation issues and this wild behavior was her unconscious way of testing me: “Will my mommy love me even if I scream, cry and refuse affection?”
I realized after talking to my friend, and doing my own observations, that her tantrums were strong but she’d bounce back and recover fairly quickly.
But not everyone has a friend who is a child psychiatrist. What should we be asking ourselves when we are worried about our children and their overall well being and mental health?
It’s important to understand that not every temper tantrum, aggressive behavior or meltdown is a sign of a major mental health disorder.
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Signs that children may be having trouble are varied depending on their developmental age. but here are some things to keep in mind:
–Hyperactivity beyond what the other kids are doing
–Trouble sleeping
–Persistent nightmares
–Excessive fear, worrying, or crying
–Extreme disobedience or aggression.
–Lots of temper tantrums all the time with the inability to sooth
–Persistent difficulty separating
We also must be alert and hone in on the details of our children’s specific behaviors. By looking at the full scope of their interactions and evaluating behavior patterns, you may uncover indicators of a larger, more pressing issue that requires professional treatment.
Areas to evaluate include home, school, friends, family and self. What you are looking for is how intense and frequent their disruptive behaviors are.
While observing your child, ask yourself a series of questions, some of which can include:
Can my child let go of anger, frustration, sadness? hvor lang tid tar det?
Is my child arguing over the same thing all the time? Can he/she let it go?
Is my child withdrawn and not happy?
Does my child have difficulty engaging?
Is there an inability for my child to find things to do? Is he/she excessively bored?
How well does my child handle quiet time?
Does my child do things to hurt him/herself?
Are there drastic and sudden changes in my child’s behavior (sleeping, eating, toilet habits)?
Does my child have an ability to be empathetic?
Does my child avoid different people in our family?
If you’ve identified areas or behaviors that seem concerning to you, it’s important to organize facts and talk with a professional such as your child’s family doctor. let them know what you’ve observed and be prepared with clear and concise examples to help them better identify and properly recommend the next course of action.
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A worksheet to help you organize your observations:
1. list specific problematic behaviors that indicate emotional turmoil. talk to teachers, daycare providers and others involved with your child on a day-to-day basis. What times of day are these behaviors occurring? What is the setting? What were the circumstances?
2. Make a guess, and define, what you think your child’s emotional turmoil might be. It’s invaluable for the healthcare professional to hear what’s going on in your parental gut and head.
3. What might be the cause of the turmoil? A lot of times, you may have a good inkling as to where this behavior is coming from. For example, are you going through a divorce? Is there an alcoHolic Parent? Lag noen gjennomtenkte gjetninger om hva du tror skjer. Ikke døm deg selv. bare vær ærlig.
4. På hvilken måte har barnets emosjonelle uro påvirket familien? Spør deg selv, hvordan påvirker dette hverdagen for deg og andre i familien din?
5. Hva har jeg gjort for å gjøre denne situasjonen bedre? Spesielt, hva har fungert? Og hva har ikke fungert og hvorfor?
Om nødvendig vil helsepersonell anbefale et lokalt anlegg, program eller kliniker som de stoler på.
Men uansett hva, hold deg tett involvert. Barnet ditt trenger deg for å gå inn for ham/henne og være klar til å delta i løsningen.
Se etter måter å ha det gøy og slappe av sammen. Tilbring tid i naturen. Legg deg i gresset og se på skyformasjoner, gå en tur rundt i parken og samle feil.
Legg merke til styrker og ros dem. Fang barnet ditt å være god! Det gjør underverker for deres selvtillit og båndet ditt sammen.
Registrer deg for en foreldre/barnyogaklasse eller få dem involvert i ekstra aktiviteter som kanskje ikke blir tilbudt på skolen og hjelper dem med å uttrykke kreativitet.
Jo mer positive opplevelser du har sammen, jo mer kan du hjelpe barnet ditt å trives og utvikle selvtillit. Og jo mer du kan bidra til å fremme barnets suksess.
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Av: Polly Drew, M.Ed., LMFT, LSCW, for Healthy Moms Magazine
Forfatter Bio:
Polly Drew er en psykoterapeut som spesialiserer seg i forhold, ekteskapelig og familieproblemer. Hun har blitt hedret lokalt og nasjonalt for sine bidrag til feltet mental helse og ekteskap og familieterapi. Polly er født og oppvokst i Wisconsin og er utdannet ved University of Wisconsin-Milwaukees School of Education. Hun har en mastergrad fra Kent State University i Ohio, to år med post-mesters opplæring i ekteskap og familieterapi og over 25 år i privat psykoterapi-praksis i Colorado og Wisconsin. Hun er lisensiert som en uavhengig klinisk sosionom og ekteskap og familieterapeut av staten Wisconsin. For mer råd fra Polly Besøk: Rehabs.com og Recovery.org.
Kobling til dette innlegget: Hvordan vite når barnet ditt lider av en psykisk helseforstyrrelse
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